Lost Hope
by wolf777
Summary: ONE SHOT: Cloud falls into depression when Light leaves him. All he wants is to see her again, but he lacks the courage to make the first move.


It had been almost four months since Claire Farron had walked out of his life, and with each day the pain in his chest only grew stronger. The familiar dread in his heart reminded him of the geostigma he once suffered as he sat on the unforgiving mahogany pew in the ruins of the sector five church. At one point in his life he made an effort to repair this place that was sacred to him, but when his heart fell apart, so did the church.

The moon shone through the church roof that he had once fell through like a pearl on a blanket of deep sapphire, but the blonde could no longer find beauty in it. There would be a time where he would look to the sky and know that she was looking at that same moon and somehow that made him feel closer. Now though, everything disgusted him as bitterness grew to a depression that squeezed the life out of whatever soul he had left.

The wolf that once haunted the blonde had returned to stalk him day and night. In his loathing, Cloud wished the monstrous animal would just tear him to shreds and free him from this emptiness, but all it did was patrol on the boarders of his emotions, waiting for the right time to strike.

"Just do it already," Cloud grumbled as he felt the creature's presence stood in the doorway of the church behind him.

When the creature did not comply, Cloud pulled out his phone and began his nightly ritual of torturing his heart. The light from the phone lit up his features as he scrolled through the menu, coming to stop at his gallery. He had deleted the few pictures he had in a fit of anger when she first left him; all except a single video that lasted all of four seconds. After a deep breath to mentally prepare himself, Cloud opens the file and bites down hard on the inside of his cheek.

"_I love you," _Light says with a smile before the video quickly ends, breaking him once again.

With another deep breath to compose himself, the blonde rises to his feet and paces down the moss covered, stone isle towards the rotted wooden door that was a few uses from crumbling to dust. His gloss black motorcycle waited outside, acting has his mode of transport and a temporary remedy to his pain. The engine started with a deep rumble, sending a dozen birds into the sky in panic as he set off towards seventh heaven.

The popular bar had been open all day, but Cloud chose to go later on to avoid upsetting Denzel and Marlene, who would be sleeping peacefully in their beds by now. He didn't want to upset the kids, but he struggled to pretend to be happy even when they did their best to cheer him up. The low rumble of the motorcycle came to a halt outside of the bar, and several of the regulars had scampered out of the door before Cloud had put a boot on the floor. The blonde was never the life of the town, but now they began to fear him and avoid him wherever possible.

The large sign above the door of the bar reminded him briefly of a simpler time. It was strange to think there was ever a time before Light, but before the pinkette came into his life, he was lost; wandering the earth as he is now. A shell of a man without a purpose of his own.

"Cloud," Tifa smiled at him as always. Her crimson eyes wide with warmth.

"A bottle, please," was all Cloud muttered as he placed some gil on the table.

Tifa's warm expression dropped and began to fill with a maternal worry as she let out a sigh and headed to the shelf for a bottle of Wutaian whiskey. Her slender fingers wrap around the bottle and she contemplates what she was going to do. Cloud had often fell into doubt and needed to be reminded of who he was, but with Light gone he had lost all of the fight in him. The brunette silently wished the pair had never met, but it wasn't long ago that they were the perfect couple. Tifa had always loved Cloud, but he and Light were made for each other and everyone could see that. Watching them drift apart and argue was heartbreaking, even for her to watch, until one day Light was gone.

In the beginning Tifa searched high and low for the pinkette, hoping to see if the pair could find some middle ground, but she was nowhere to be found. Cloud was the only one with her phone number but he refused to call her; either out of pride or stubbornness. Neither of them backed down when it counted, and now Cloud at least was paying for it.

"Go easy on this," Tifa warns softly as she hands over the bottle and a glass.

The blonde gives her a vague nod before pouring himself a large glass and drinking it on one go. It was quite impressive the way he could consume that stuff, but Tifa was more concerned about him making matters worse.

"Hey, why don't we do something tomorrow? Go for a ride on Fenrir somewhere. I'll shut the bar for the day," Tifa suggests with a hopeful gaze.

"Not interested," Cloud answers without lifting his head from the now refilled glass.

"Cloud… This isn't going to fix things.." The brunette replies, leaning over the bar and placing a hand on his.

"Nothing will fix things.. She's gone, Tifa," he tells her with a sigh as he pulls his hand from hers and downs another glass.

"Give me your phone," Tifa demands, holding out her hand as her expression turns stern.

Cloud frowns at his oldest friend but reaches into his pocket and hands his phone to her. Tifa looks at it briefly before placing it on the bar in front of him and walking through the door behind the bar that lead into the kitchen. With another deep gulp, the blonde downs another glass as he waits for her to return. Less than a minute later, she emerges through the door with one hand behind her back, causing him to shift uncomfortably until she stops at the bar. Cloud examines her expression carefully but he can't read her until her expression stiffens and the hand that was hidden behind her back comes flying towards his phone.

In a split second he spots the meat cleaver and dives his hands from the whiskey to protect his phone. With his eyes squeezed tight, he waits for the searing pain but it does not come. With his whole body still tensed, he opens his cerulean eyes to find the thick blade stopped an inch above his hand and whiskey all over the bar. For the first second, only the sound of the amber liquid could be heard dripping onto the floor, but immediately after the sound of the die hard regulars scurrying out of the door downed it out.

"You don't call! You don't answer when we call! Why even have a phone!?" Tifa growls in a tone Cloud had rarely seen.

"I.. I don't know.." Cloud answers sheepishly, still protecting it.

"Yes you do! You think that any day now that phone will ring and it will be her, but it won't!" Tifa practically roars. "Either stop being so damn stubborn and call or text her, or just destroy the damn thing and move on!"

Tifa's pale cheeks were flush we blood and her large chest waxed and waned with every angered breath. Cloud remained still and picked up the phone he was willing to loose his hands over. He looked at the device that had been the painful cornerstone of his existence for the past few months and replayed Tifa's words in his head over and over. He had no reason to believe she would answer, and if she did, she would probably tell him that she hated him.

"Is it really less painful not knowing?" Tifa's voice breaks through his chain of thought.

"It's less… final," Cloud answers finally.

"I know.. I know that even if the pair of you talk it might not work out. Maybe something will happen that can never unhappen and that scares you. You need to think about now; really take it in! You think you've got it so damn hard! Vincent, Barret.. They've both lost the ones they love, but they're still living each day, trying to build something from their pain. You've thrown yourself into a pit of darkness and we don't know how to get you out."

Although he never looked at her, Cloud took in every word Tifa had spoken and flipped open his phone. It beeped with every button press as he scrolled through his contacts to find her name. The beeping quelled as her name sat centre stage on the tiny display and his thumb trembled over the green dial button. Before he could press it however, Tifa's soft hands gently closed the phone and lingered over his own until the blonde looked at her.

"Call her once all of that whiskey is out of your system. Clear your head and tell her how you feel. You're welcome to stay here for the night," Tifa smiles.

Whether he knew it or not, nobody had Cloud's best interests at heart more than her. She was a rare woman who was as selfless and caring as she was fierce. She had made mistakes in her life; some she felt were unforgivable. But to Cloud she was like a guardian angel, steering him back into the light.

"Thank you,Tifa," Cloud smiles as he climbs off the bar stool and heads towards the door.

"Be careful on that bike!" She shouts as he opens the door to the bar.

"I will, I promise," he replies, turning around to give her the only smile he'd manage to muster in months.

The cool night air felt like bliss on the blonde's skin and the star filled sky felt that little bit brighter than before. He was a long way from being back to normal, but Tifa's words had set him in the right direction. Climbing back onto his bike, Cloud turns on the engine and proceeds slowly through Edge towards the ruins of Midgar. He couldn't wait to phone Light, but if he crashed on the way, he'd have never heard the end of it from Tifa. In truth, he probably should have stayed at the bar, but he wanted to be in the church, alone.

The crumbling tower of the church stuck out from the rest of the rubble in the distance, and Cloud swallowed hard at the thought of speaking to her again. After a few more minutes of weaving through the dilapidated roads and broken concrete buildings, the sector five church came into full view, but it was movement in the corner of his eye that panicked him. Before he could even turn his head to see what it was, the large shadow crashed into his right side, knocking him off his motorcycle.

Cloud grumbles as he picks himself off the ground and staggers to his feet in a daze. His cerulean eyes look down at his left arm that felt warm with blood. Sure enough, crimson liquid dripped onto the dusty floor from an impressive bite mark. Quickly scanning the darkness for his attacker, he locates his bike in the distance and heads towards in cautiously to retrieve his weapon.

A bone shaking howl filled the air before Cloud was on the ground yet again. The impact knocked the wind out of him, but it was the set of jaws that clamped around his shoulder that caused him to wince in pain as his flesh tore open. The blonde gripped the head of his attacker, and when his hands were met with a mass of fur, he realised it was the wolf that had been following him. Pulling as hard as he could, Cloud did everything he could to throw the beast off him, but with a quick shake of it's head, the wolf's jaws broke through his collarbone and Cloud's arm went limp.

The ferocious set of teeth were the only thing keeping the blood inside the blonde, and when they were removed, Cloud felt an unwelcoming warmth trickle down his chest. He stopped struggling and lay there as still as death, staring up into the starry night. The wolf had not vanished, but instead turned it's attention to the blonde's pocket, where it clawed through the material and gripped his phone gently with it's teeth.

"No!" Cloud winced, but the creature ignored him and headed north slowly.

With every once of strength he had left, the cerulean eyed soldier rolled onto his hands and knees and crawled to the church doors. He knew inside was his chest of materia and the buster sword. If he could just get to them before he bled out, he'd have a fighting chance of killing the creature that attacked him. It took the blonde nearly five minutes to reach the doors of the church, and to his relief, he could see his salvation in the form of his material chest.

The sound of blood dripping was dulled by the moss covered stone that was slowly being turned red with each laboured movement. To think he'd asked for this a couple of hours ago, and how he was fighting to stay alive spoke volumes about the effect Tifa's talk had on him. Cloud finally reached the edge of the flowerbed and tried desperately to open up the chest, but the lack of blood had stolen all of his dexterity. Eventually the lid opens and his hand dives into the chest of warm crystal spheres as his vision fails him and darkness prevails.

With a deep gasp for air, Cloud's mako infused eyes spring open and scan the church. His whole body aches as he sits up and places the cure materia down. All of his neck and most of his face was covered in dried blood, but the wounds had been healed by the orb's power. Climbing to his feet, the blonde grabs a handful of materia and staggers towards the buster sword, dizzy from the blood loss. Another long and haunting howl fills the air, forcing Cloud to rip the sword from its resting place and charge outside.

"Where are you.." He growls to himself as he scans the area.

To his left, behind the crashed motorcycle in the distance stood the wolf that locked eyes with him briefly before running off with the phone still locked tightly in it's jaw. Picking his motorcycle off the ground, Cloud climbs on it and turns the key. After a couple of laboured noises, the bike roars into life and the cerulean eyed man set's off into the darkness.

_You're leading me somewhere, aren't you? _Cloud realises as he chases the wolf north through Midgar and towards the coast line.

The moon reflected off the surface of the distant ocean, leaving Cloud confused as to where the creature was running to. The land was barren right up to the coastline where there was nothing but a thin ribbon of sand that ran around the edge of the continent. He watched on as the wolf sprinted across the sand and across the surface of the ocean weightlessly, leaving the blonde briefly at a loss for what to do. With no other choice if he wanted to continue his pursuit, Cloud stood on the seat of his motorcycle and pulled out a red orb from his pocket. Placing it quickly inside one of the two slots in his buster sword, Cloud waits for his prized motorcycle to hit the water and jumps high into the air.

For a couple of seconds the blonde flies over the ocean with the momentum, but just as he's about to fall into the water, Bahamut materialises from underneath him and the pair soar inches from the water's glassy surface.

"Follow him, Bahamut," Cloud commands his summon.

The unmistakable sight of bone village comes into view on the horizon. The tents surrounding the three skulls of Cerberus sat on the southern boarder of the ancient forest that protected the forgotten city from the world outside. The last time he was stood in the forgotten city was to leave a bouquet of flowers as Aeris' resting place, and he was well aware that nothing good ever came from stepping foot there.

The monstrous canine vanished under the canopy of the ancient forest, but the blonde had a good idea where it was heading. With his sights set on the small body of water that became Aeris' resting place, Bahamut descended, placing his master gently on the water's edge before fading into smoke. Cloud knew the second his boots touched the grass he should be scanning the tree line for the wolf, but he couldn't help turning his gaze towards the body of water. Even now he could feel the cold water on his skin and the lifeless body of his friend under his arms. It was a place of great beauty, but for Cloud this place was cursed.

"A bit too bright for my taste.. What about you?"

Cloud's heart nearly stops when he hears the familiar voice, and when he turns on his heels towards the giant conch shell he can't believe his eyes.

"Light?!" The blonde gasps before his eyes narrow.

The woman before him sounded just like lightning. Every single feature he could remember was identical apart from her trademark hair that was now blonde and her white guardian corps uniform was now black. He could accept the change of hair and the dark clothes, but it was the menacing smile that made him doubt.

"What's the matter? I thought you'd be happy to see me?" She says playfully.

"You're not her.." Cloud replies as he adjusts the grip on his sword.

Movement behind the imposter pulls Cloud's cerulean eyes away briefly to find the wolf emerging from the trees to stand beside the woman. He watches cautiously as she pets the canine before retrieving the phone from it's jaws and watching it disappear back into the forest.

"Give that to me," the blonde growls.

"You came all of the way for this little thing?" She asks, before crushing it into pieces and tossing the remains into the water.

"NO!"

"You think she loves you? You think she ever loved you? You were just a means to an end for here, nothing more.."

Cloud's blood began to boil and he could no longer contain his anger. Launching towards her, the blonde thrusts his blade forward, only for the imposter to draw her gunblade and parry his blow.

"From the day I became a part of you, I knew you were special, Cloud Strife. You don't need her.." She tells the blonde as she slashes at him. "She was weak!" The imposter screams as she turns her gunblade into it's gun mode and open fire. "As you are weak now!"

"Part of me…? Jenova?!" Cloud gasps as the realisation sets in.

"Sephiroth called me mother, but I can be your Light, or your darkness... I would never hurt you like she did," Jenova says with Light's voice. "We could conquer this world and every other. Hand in hand… Together."

"I'm not a monster like you!" Cloud barks, sending a lightning bolt from the edge of his buster sword to Jenova.

"Do not presume to judge my path when you walk yours blindly," she ways menacingly as she deflects the lightning away from her. "Humans have been killing themselves and this planet since time began. I offer them a way out from their suffering.. I am a mercy to humanity."

"You're evil! You hurt and you kill!"

"Have you not killed hundreds of men? Have you not broke the hearts of the families of those men? Even Lightning.. You love her and yet she's hurt you in ways I never could.. I'm no more a monster than humanity! I'm just more efficient.." Jenova smiles. "Don't you tire of the pain and the heartache? I can take it all away. It will be you and me.. Bound for eternity, my love."

Cloud charged at Jenova and leaped into the air, holding his buster sword high above his head. He let every ounce of anger and hatred power his body and bring the sword crashing down on the imposter, who quickly held her sword up to block. The impact of the two swords broke branches of the nearby trees and cracked the large, white conch shell behind them as the buster sword shattered the gunblade and knocked Jenova to the ground. The blonde stood above her with his sword resting inches from her neck, ready to force it down, but it was so hard looking down at Light's face, even if he knew it wasn't her.

"Cloud.. It doesn't have to be this way.. If you kill me you'll be killing your only chance of happiness. Do you want to go back to your lonely existence? Or do you want to build a legacy, side by side?" Jenova asks, reaching out her hand to me.

"I've only ever loved one woman," the blonde replies callously as he raises his sword to kill the calamity.

**A/N: Completely random one shot story. My phone decided it was going to jump out of my zipped up pocket somehow while riding my motorbike today (For the second fucking time!). I've ordered a replacement sim and a new iphone, but its all of the personal stuff thats lost forever. Important messages that can't be read again, pictures of memories of better times and contacts that i'll never get back. I've been that annoyed about it all I could think of doing was writing something.**


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